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Old 07-15-2013, 04:25 PM
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naturalblue naturalblue is offline
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Long Beach, CA
Posts: 21
Default Update

It's very easy for some of you to say "if he's in a toxic relationship, don't be in a relationship with him", but he's my husband and I take that commitment very seriously even if some of you apparently don't. I'm not going to divorce him because I don't like his girlfriend, that is ridiculous and unhelpful.

It is also difficult for me to just never see her again as she is already an established part of my social group and she will pretty much always be invited to the same parties/get togethers as I am and I refuse to give up my entire social life/circle because she's a bitch and I won't ask my friends to not invite her.

Case in point, I saw her this weekend at a party at a friend's house. I basically just ignored her and walked away every time she approached me. She's currently in the reconciliation part of an abusers cycle and is trying to get me back on board with her. Unfortunately my husband is right on that band wagon with her, which is something that we fought about. He thinks that because he's over it, I should be too and is trying to rush me into forgiving her so we can all go back to being friends. I understand that he wants it to go back to the way it was when it was not uncomfortable for him, but I don't know if that's going to happen. Right now we're in a stalemate on this, with me ending it by telling him he doesn't get to dictate my emotions or who I decide to interact with and I'll stop being angry when I stop being angry and not one second sooner.

I did set up a new understanding with him that he needs to not tell me when they fight since it makes me angry and he's just going to make up with her anyway, so hopefully that will help in the future.

So, unfortunately this is not something with an easy solution. I'm distancing myself from her as much as possible and creating boundaries between myself and their relationship and I think that's probably all I can do unless someone has another idea. I appreciate all of your input and advice.
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