Thread: Less than
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Old 07-13-2013, 07:27 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Portland, OR
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Originally Posted by Feria View Post
I have attempted conversation about it. The response I get is confusing. I am feeling very hurt and I am trying so hard not to blow up. I dont know what to do. We had a romantic rlationship, suddenly he is casual and I feel like a FWB. I am afraid to text him or call him bc I feel I am bothering him.
What would this mean to you if you were in a monogamous relationship with him? I suspect it would mean that he is:
A. Busy and just not feeling like putting in the effort
B. Not as interested in you as you are in him
If you were in a monogamous relationship what would you do? If he refuses to have a straight conversation with you, doesn't feel like a romantic partner to you, then the solution seems pretty obvious... adjust your expectations or move on.

Originally Posted by Feria View Post
Now I am wondering if he is dating others and not telling me about it, which is wrong bc this is poly.
Polyamory just means multiple loves - there is not a default level of communication or honesty or disclosure, just (at least the potential of) multiple romantic partners.

I would avoid focusing on what qualifies as poly and what doesn't, and focus on the reality of what kind of relationship you want and what arrangement you won't be happy with and thus need to end.

Originally Posted by Feria View Post
He hardly returns my messages. I am feeling like dirt on the bottom of his shoe. I am beginning to believe secondarys do get the shaft
Secondaries come second, that's why they are ranked that way. If you don't want to be treated as if you are a secondary priority then I suggest moving away from this type of hierarchical dynamic. Partners should be appreciated for who they are, not ranked.
Me: male, 43, straight, non-hierarchical, independent
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