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Old 07-12-2013, 08:08 PM
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bruisepristne bruisepristne is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Baltimore, MD
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kdt26417:

You are right, if he had someone else in his life that was a primary, I would definitely feel threatened, but that isn't his fault. I know all of this isn't about HIM it is about ME. I think because we have such a long and complicated history, and we have somehow found happiness in each other again, the thought of losing him is overwhelming. And I don't think anyone likes the idea that they could be replaced or that what they have isn't unique or special.
The other part of this is that historically, I have struggled with weight and self image. For a long time I was overweight, and didn't like myself. I grew up with a single mother who from the time I was 10 was telling me I needed a personal trainer. So, I have fought long and hard to get to a place where I feel good about myself. I am happy with my weight now,(I went from one point from a size 14 to the size I am now, a 4) and for my age etc., I think I look okay.
When you grow up hearing you aren't good enough, pretty enough, thin enough sometimes those thoughts creep in when you are at your most vulnerable. I know it will be something I struggle with for the rest of my life, it is just HOW I let it affect me and the relationships I have.
I think I am as sure as I can be that he wouldn't leave me, but knowing in life that the only constant is change and that when it comes to love and emotions, you can never be 100 percent sure of how someone else is going to feel forever, there is still a little fear there.
We are going to therapy next week, and I am hoping that will help.
Finding this forum has been a huge blessing. I literally don't have anyone in my life to talk to about this relationship, which outside of the one with my son, is the most important one in my life.
So grateful for that, and all of you.
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"If you love a flower, don't pick it up. Because if you pick it up it dies & it ceases to be what you love. So if you love a flower, let it be. Love is not about possession. Love is about appreciation." -Osho
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