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Old 07-12-2013, 06:17 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 1,643

Marcus, i think LR is talking about basic household and mundane responsibilities, not "i am not sure i still want the same things out of this relationship as you do anymore" artificial "obligations". If you share certain basic ne essities such as the mortgage, and one member of the household flakes because they spent their whole paycheck on some kind of bender, then everyone who lives there is affected in a detrimental way. It is not ok for NRE-person to coast along and have everyone else pick up their slack. Not everyone's finances are separate, and most people can't just pack up their shit at the drop of a hat and relocate. When you are one person such as yourself, you only need to think of what is best for you. But when you make an Adult Decision that consciously involves joint efforts, it is very sociopathic to arbitrarily decide that you will do as you please in the moment because "people change" and "relationships are not static".

Unfortunately, people act that way all the time, which is why the world is full of lawyers, contracts, fine-print, and red-tape. In my lab, students are all "of age", but because they cannot all be trusted to do the right thing, there are "cleanup points" and "safety points" to be lost. The safety points are divided into individual and group safety points, so that if something is done wrong and we can't identify who is responsible, everyone in that section loses group safety points. You would think everyone wants to be safe, right? No, there are quite a few who want to argue and avoid accountability and do the whole "harvard-please" thing, and that lowest denominator sets the tone no matter how perfect and mature and responsible everyone else is. If someone was a domestic partner or member of a household and they pull that crap, they drag everyone down. So, no. It is NOT okay for you to take the money you would ordinarily use to pay the electric bill or car insurance and use it for a weekend getaway with your new squeeze, i don't care how many epiphanies you've had or how recently you've had them.
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