Thank you for your time & responses...
I am not exactly sure what has changed, other than a couple of months ago we found out we were pregnant. I am 39 and he is about to turn 37. Now we had not planned this obviously, but we had talked about (before I got pregnant) that we might want to give our son a brother or sister. When we found out I was pregnant, we after a lot of thought and consideration decided to embrace the surprise and have the baby. Two weeks ago, at a routine ultrasound we discovered that I had what is called a 'blighted ovum'. Where the gestational sac grows but no actual baby ever develops. I was devastated, and had to have surgery two weeks ago to take care of it.
Ever since that happened, I have been less secure in myself and I don't know exactly why. In this time was also when he showed me the text message from his other 'girlfriend' talking about how she was worried about losing him if I moved closer. Those two things combined have left me kind of unsure of a lot of things. My bf has been wonderful throughout it all, totally supportive. Maybe the gravity of the reality of expanding our family and knowing that if we did have another baby I could end up being a single mother to TWO kids has me rattled. I really just don't know, and all I really want is work through it, to get back to the place where I was a few months ago. Secure and happy.
Wow. I hope to think I could be that brave. Part of me really wants to get to a place where I feel strong enough to do what you suggest.The other part of me is terrified that in my mind I will think she is everything I am not, and that I will be picking apart body language and feel inferior the entire time. Or that I will have a total emotional breakdown in front of her. It is one thing to be vulnerable, but to share that vulnerability with a total stranger? Beyond scary to me. I wonder if perhaps online communication would be a good place to start? It is my understanding she is open to meeting me, and from what my bf tells me, wanted me to come to that party too.
"If you love a flower, don't pick it up. Because if you pick it up it dies & it ceases to be what you love. So if you love a flower, let it be. Love is not about possession. Love is about appreciation." -Osho