Hi LR... hahaha... whoo, the other side of the coin then? I must admit... I'm not a fan of all-destroying NRE either. Even at the height of it, I don't feel that I neglect anything. It's when trouble comes that my life tends to be effected.
We don't have dates at our house, so that luckily solves that problem. I agree that if we don't like each other's choice, we simply don't have to be involved with them. I'm definitely happy with that and have been in the past.
The main problem I'm having is that 'drama', or turmoil, between myself and my secondary is seen as being bad for my primary relationship. I don't really know how to look at this. Conflict in relationships is inevitable. At least, I think it is. I'm really not sure how much is too much. In seven months, my secondary and I had about three larger issues; the most recent of which, obviously, being a break up, so that knocked me out of action for a week or two.
Perhaps external relationships only effect us as much as we all let them. Perhaps if we're sick of hearing about the conflict between a partner and their secondary, we can voice that opinion. If we think the NRE is effected us, we can voice that opinion. But perhaps outside of that we have to let each other make our own decisions. I'm not really sure where the line is. Perhaps it will be revealed over time.
me: female, 29, homoflexible
GF: my primary girlfriend, 39, heteroflexible
my metamour = Hubby (GF's husband)
3 year, open poly V, long-distance between the UK and USA