Originally Posted by FullofLove1052
I deleted it and decided to expand on it a little more.
I really do dislike when people tell people to get a hobby, join a gym, build their self-esteem, stop being co-dependent, find some friends, or do WTF ever it takes to deal with a partner being out with someone else.
Oh I second, third, and fourth this! I think it's the totally WRONG approach. It got to the point, for us, that hubby started wondering, why be married? If the answer to not getting enough time with your spouse is take care of yourself, if the answer to not having your spouse do things with and for you is to do it yourself then why the hell be married? Basically, you're not! We've come to a better idea of balance now. We are still working on coming back from that damn advice. Advice that is handed out to mono partners like candy! I swear it does more damage than anything!
He's seen so many people give up, get divorced, because they are basically told poly is okay for their partner but only if you ask nothing of them and put no responsibilities on them. If you aren't getting your needs met meet them yourself! After awhile they realize they aren't IN a marriage anymore. So it's good bye.
I've been a SAHM most of the kids life, and when I wasn't, hubby was. That was the eye opener because he could see how I lost myself, so we learned to try and make it a point to do things that are just 'us'. Meaning for me to do things that are just me and him things that are just him. Still a work in progress but important.
I swear I want to wring the neck of these people giving advice to people new to poly or having partners that are new to poly that they should just 'get a hobby, get a life and get over it!' Sure, there's lots of internal work with poly, why am I jealous, why does this bother me. I just thought the POINT of being in a relationship with someone was if you need a sounding board, they were there! If you need time or reassurances, they would WANT to give it to you!
Pffft, get a hobby, please!