Lemondrop, thanks so much for the encouragement. It's good to hear that I don't have to be *there* right away with the emotional issues!
Rick, thanks for the practical advice - we may work on some sign language! Its funny that you mention not adding anything new into the mix until things settle down... since I posted last, I did some exercises to help puzzle things through, and I came to the conclusion that I need a lot of stability, and that maybe I couldn't handle any more changes than the ones we have undertaken at the moment, and HB pausing his searching might have a lot of benefits for me.
The new GF is someone I know through friends and have met at social functions. I like her, and think she's both respectable and kind, I just don't know her very well, and it's a bit different to think of someone as an aquaintace or a metamour. We've been back and forth with preliminary emails about a visit, and that has helped a lot already.
I have read the Ethical Slut, and it's not my favorite... but I have found similar books with a different tone to the writing.