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Old 07-12-2013, 02:16 AM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Richardson, TX
Posts: 1,340

Originally Posted by starmonkey View Post
Is this something you cannot do in an intimate relationship because there is too much tendency to make the other person responsible for your shit?
Perhaps the answer is in your example - you have some process you do first, before you ask your partner for time.
I think I get what you're saying. If I am desirous of time with my partner I need to ask. I think the "not making them responsible for my shit" comes in when I avoid describing to them how not spending time with them is affecting me. I mean, I ask - she gives me an answer - I try to leave it at that.

Not sure if I addressed your question clearly or not.

Originally Posted by Mag
I'd say SHE's bad at poly. To me that sounds like shitty rude behavior and crappy handling of her NRE.
No way to get around it, she's clearly not handling her puppy love for a new partner very well. It's tough to do and probably takes some people much more practice than others (if they ever get it) but it's a skill which is helpful in creating healthy poly relationships.

In a perfect world she would try to remain conscious of how much time she is (or is not) spending with you and would remind herself to reach out to you. Getting all wrapped up in puppy love is easy but it's not what I would call responsible. Granted, I don't want my partner spending time with me for the sake of "being responsible" or "being good at poly" so I guess I'd prefer to be neglected over being placated.

Originally Posted by starmonkey View Post
But I don't feel like I'm competing with my partner's job. But if felt different when she is choosing to spend most of her time with someone new.
The future of your poly relationships will be served well by your attempting to improve this perspective. While it may *seem* like we are competing for peoples time, it's not a game and keeping and comparing scores is not going to help build healthy relationships.
Me: male, 40, straight, single
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