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Old 07-11-2013, 11:27 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Richardson, TX
Posts: 1,380

Originally Posted by naturalblue View Post
he has a tendency to let people walk over him and I am protective...I am hearing about all of this from my husband
It looks like this is the core problem. He is living his life (as madhouse as it seems to be), telling you all of the gritty details, and you are letting it cause you emotional grief as if it were your life.

It isn't your life, it's his life. If you take it upon yourself to be his bodyguard than you have decided that you *want* the grief which comes with it.

Originally Posted by naturalblue View Post
perhaps telling him that I don't want to hear about their fights anymore is the solution. I worry about not being supportive if I do that
You aren't his therapist and you clearly don't have the ability to emotionally separate yourself from his situation. So again, if you don't tell him that you can't handle it then you are volunteering to be a part of the problem and to carry around the baggage.

Originally Posted by naturalblue View Post
As for the apology - this is admittedly one of my personal issues. I have a thing about there being consequences for bad behavior and it burns me that she gets to be a raging bitch to everyone around her and not get called out on it and gets to just go on as if nothing happened over and over again.
It sounds like this approach to policing humanity is not working out very well for you. Is this an aspect of your personality which you think enriches your life and brings joy and prosperity to yourself and those around you? Is this making your life more enjoyable or less enjoyable?

Requiring that people take action according to your emotional rigidity is not going to promote intimacy or happiness. In my opinion you should look at this as a broken protection mechanism and should see a therapist about how to work on getting over it. It isn't doing anything but hurting you.

Originally Posted by naturalblue View Post
I tend to be a confrontational person though and am very bad at keeping my mouth shut, so any advice on how to not rip her head off the next time I see her?
This heightened sense of resentment is caused by your welcoming the wreckage of someone elses relationship into your life as if it were your own wreckage. Spend less time trying to live other people lives and live your own and I suspect you will find fewer and fewer reasons to want to rip someones head off.
Me: male, 43, straight, non-hierarchical, independent
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