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Old 07-11-2013, 10:19 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,587

Originally Posted by starmonkey View Post
I like to have a few days during the week, and more often than not, one day of the weekend, as it is my sacred time away from work. That isn't some kind of requirement, but just my negotiable preference.
Not getting what we want sucks. However, that's just part of reality.

Honestly she doesn't sound like she was really into it. While that is a bummer to discover, fortunately you can keep meeting people and experimenting until you find something that works a little better for you.

Originally Posted by starmonkey View Post
The problem is that every time I tried to have a negotiation it was taken as a criticism or attack, and communication just fell apart.
What do you mean by negotiation here? I don't think I've ever done anything with IV which I would qualify as "negotiation".

IV has been SUPER busy with work, as an example. She only just now has wrested her way into a day or two off each week, though she is still working primarily 12 hour days. During her super busy time (I doubt it's over, to be honest) I felt neglected and was getting really down in the dumps. I posted on here about it in the blog section, talked to a couple of my friends, moped and grumbled about it... and in the end decided I needed to be more direct. I told her I wanted a sleep over and that I missed her... she made a hole in her schedule a few days later so that we could do that.

If I had told her that and she said she just wasn't able to see me but would work on it as soon as she could, I would have been pretty disappointed. However I would have needed to come to terms with the fact that her work is a high priority for her and that if I want to be in her life I need to understand this reality. I'm not sure what 'negotiation' could have happened to adjust this issue.

My missing her is my shit and I need to work it out (and periodically let her know that I want to spend some time with her and request that she take a look at her availability)

Originally Posted by starmonkey View Post
Last week I truly felt that my polyamorous experiment was a failure because of my makeup
Eh, relationships tank, man. I wouldn't put this particular relationship any higher than an experiment which taught you a bit more about who you are and what you need to work on.

Maybe you aren't going to enjoy polyamory, but I don't see this experience as being a valid reason to make that conclusion.
Me: male, 43, straight, non-hierarchical, independent
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