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Old 07-11-2013, 10:04 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,587

Originally Posted by starmonkey View Post
For that matter, what are these qualities?
The ability to take responsibility and full authority over your own shit and letting everyone else take care of theirs.

Originally Posted by starmonkey View Post
It seemed like we might have been able to somehow get through it, if we were able to communicate effectively, but that just didn't happen.
Communication is good; it's a positive trait to be able to constructively get an idea across to your audience. However, I think people put too much emphasis on this being the fundamental issue of relationships. I don't think that it is, because what most people are trying desperately to communicate to their partner really just needs to be dealt with individually.

Originally Posted by starmonkey View Post
Do you work on insecure feelings with your partner(s).
Insecurity is the big one in most relationships, and that goes double for non-monogamous. A person can communicate all day long how insecure they are about their partners activities but the does precisely dick to actually solve the problem. Why? Because the problem can only be solved by the person with the insecurity.

Get therapy
Improve your self talk
Get a better job
Get some exercise
Make some friends
Do whatever it takes to stop feeling insignificant

THAT is actually moving toward a solution. Note that none of those things involve telling the partner about butt hurt feelings or that they need to do some back flips in service to said insecurity.

Originally Posted by starmonkey View Post
Is this compounded by feeling like you are being left out - once I started seeing less and less of my GF I felt really neglected, which made everything feel even worse.
Get better at being alone. Get better at entertaining yourself, managing your time, keeping your chin up, and over all taking responsibility for yourself.

You will be fine if your girlfriend gets distracted for a while or decides for whatever reason that she's going to be spending a lot of her time doing whatever. Instead of focusing on what she is doing with her life, you should focus on what you are doing with your life.
Me: male, 43, straight, non-hierarchical, independent
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