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Old 07-11-2013, 09:19 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,414

Originally Posted by naturalblue View Post
She even brought me into it saying "no wonder your wife needs someone else"
Just so I am clear, are these discussions (this one in particular) happening in front of you or within ear shot? Or is this information being conveyed by your partner to you?

If your husband is telling you this stuff and it is damaging your calm then tell him you don't want to hear about their fights anymore. Let him know that it stresses you out and that you don't want that yucky crap in your life.

If these fights are happening in front of you they sound like they need a hose run on them. I agree with whoever said it previously, you should let your husband know that you don't want her in your life when she's in batshit crazy mode. There is no reason... NO REASON to allow some toxic crazy person to have negative impact on you. Nip that in the bud, let him know that while he is fully within his right to date a nutjob that YOU aren't dating her so why should you have to deal with her?

Originally Posted by naturalblue View Post
"that's just how she is and she's not going to apologize for being herself". Also, am I out of line for wanting an apology?
Is an apology really what is needed in this situation? In my opinion you need to let this idea go entirely. She sounds like she's out of her mind and loving every minute of it... I assure you that her making some forced apology is not going to make you feel any better. All you are doing by continuing to focus on it is make yourself look petty.

Originally Posted by naturalblue View Post
I just don't understand why he keeps going back and am wondering whether I should pull a veto
Do you have that kind of authority over your husband? I would suggest focusing on your life and making the changes required and let him live his life. Your super-focusing on them and what they are doing doesn't seem to be bringing you a lot of joy... right? Maybe you should stop doing the things which are demonstrably not working.

All of this hysterical drama aside, there is another issue here which I've spoken to IV about in the past. The idea that, if your partner is dating someone who you find useless, idiotic, crazy, or whatever negative trait, does that impact how you view your relationship with them? If IV were dating some drama nugget who throws things (literally) and shouts about what she's not giving them that would say something about IV. Sooner or later I would be forced to reevaluate who I think she is and where she fits in to my life. Maybe I wouldn't make any notable changes but I would have to ask myself the question.

Just something to think about.
Me: male, 43, straight, non-hierarchical, independent
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