Children, Changes, Choices
The one show I cannot tolerate at all is Barney. I hate that purple dinosaur. He will forever be the most annoying character ever. Dora and Diego are right up there on the list. She likes the Teletubbies. (Scream worthy but still better than Barney. I do not know what it is about them. I thought that when the show went off people would forget about them. No such look.) She will watch the DVDs and sit there quietly. She was walking around saying, "Eh oh," and "Tubby custard," yesterday. It made our day interesting and funny.
She is interested in so many things. Fortunately some of our interests cross, so it is slowly getting better. Like when we attended the tea the other morning. I love tea, and she loves Disney, so it worked out. It was a Peter Pan/Tinkerbell theme. Super cute and well thought out. It was complete with edible glitter cupcakes, Seven Fairies blooming tea (more for the adults than children; she got a kick out of it), fairy floss, something called fairy bread (found a few recipes; making some today), etc. Next week's theme is Barbie, so I am going to make sure I take her. I am thinking about creating our own special tea every weekend. I am sure I can come up with something like that once a week. It would be a happy-medium to her love of tea parties and my love of tea.
I have found a way to incorporate some of my interests with bonding time with her. Mummy-n-me yoga and meditation is one. We went to a yoga and meditation class yesterday evening. She did really well. She said she enjoyed it, so we are signed up to do it. It is just an hour a week, but it is one more hour than we had before. The meditation will aid in keeping me in the moment when I am spending time with her and doing something I have no real interest in. I was envisioning my child's happiness and delight at doing something she likes with me.
I am having to get creative and be willing to try new things. It is easier with my son. As long as he has been fed and is getting attention, he is a ray of sunshine. He is a happy baby. I guess staying at home for this short time will not be terrible. I just have to get used to the idea and have an outlet a few times a week. I do not want to lose my identity and just become their mum, the lady who is doing the carpool, or Matt's wife. I have to remember to keep pursuing my interests, taking care of myself, and find joy in my new normal.
And on the poly front...just when I thought all was said and done, I found out that it not quite that simple. Si is not happy with the way things ended, and she has voiced it. I know what I said blindsided her, and she probably needed a few days to process it and figure out what to say to me. I am on the fence about whether or not to respond to her e-mail or to even mention it to DH. Would this fall under full disclosure? I do not want it to seem like I made a scene and told him that all contact between us was done and then tell him, "Oh, but I am still sort of communicating with her via e-mail." With rebuilding trust, consistency is a must to prove you are trustworthy and to eliminate confusion and backtracking. "I did this on Tuesday, but on Friday, I revealed I was continuing to do this. On Wednesday, I truly meant what I said on Tuesday, but by Thursday, I had unofficially changed what I said I truly meant."
He has not said anything about her or my recent decisions. He is still indifferent. I was not expecting a long drawn out conversation or analysis, but it would be nice to know what he is thinking, how he really feels about it, or if he is wondering what this means for him/us now? I cannot get an accurate read on him. I am sure it will be discussed in tonight's session, though.