Thread: Arabella's Aria
View Single Post
Old 07-11-2013, 04:57 AM
Arabella's Avatar
Arabella Arabella is offline
Join Date: May 2013
Location: U.S. Midwest
Posts: 30
Default This Message Brought to You by the Letter "D"

So DH and his girlfriend, D1, are done. No, for realz this time. He hadn't heard from her in the 4 days that we've been on vacation, and he finally sent her an text ending it. I kept my feelings to myself about how LAME I thought that was, but he seems happier, so that works for me.

We had another nice long talk tonight about his now current plans with D2. Oh, a little background on the hubbys "Ds."

D1 was a woman he met about two months ago on OKCupid, and when she kept rescheduling their dates, he got frustrated and asked if I minded if he went out to meet someone he'd been talking with, whose name also begins with a D (so, D2), just for drinks. They met, hit it off, made out a little bit, and he came home glowing. However, he still felt a slightly larger pull to D1 since he'd had a couple weeks invested in texting, sexting, etc., and was eager to meet her.

His first real girlfriend when he decided to "try" poly, also had a first name that started with a D. I guess I'm referring to her as D0(zero) because while she's not a romantic involvement, she works with him and is now part of a whole work-get-together thing they've been doing once a month. I've been invited to the last two and the next one, and she's even taken to contacting me over Facebook to arrange dates as well as exchanging phone numbers with me (to send me a photo of our outing that she had taken). This is significant to me, as she had expressed zero desire to meet me while they were dating, and is now making a big effort to be friendly with me. She's a friendly person, so I'm glad she doesn't let the hurt from her breakup with my husband get in the way of her being friends with both of us.

Anyway, back to the other Ds. The hubby decided to tell D2 that he was involved at the moment (even though he'd met her for a get to know you date twice, once before seeing D1 and once after) and apparently she didn't get the text, because just before we left for our vacation she contacted him asking if he still wanted to see her.

DH says he always liked D2 better anyway, but of course that's in retrospect after falling out of favor with D1. Personally, I'm concerned that he jumping from relationship to relationship with hardly a break in between. He dated D0 from Feb to, um.... May? Then started dating D1 in late May and broke up with her July 9, and now, July 10, is in talks with D2 about starting something there. I know I have to trust him that he knows what he's doing but... I dunno. He's a kind of thrill-seeking individual and gets carried away with new things in general, and then all this NRE on top of that... I get concerned. But I think I've been doing a good job supporting him, so far.

I guess the biggest concern I have, though, is that D2 is married, and not poly. At least, she may be able to love more than one person in her own way, but her husband definitely doesn't know, and definitely would not be okay with things, as she tells Dear Husband. I put this to him earlier in the day, encouraging him to see where she stands with that and to search his feelings to make sure he'd be okay with being the "other man." I have to admit, I did put that slant on it, because I'd like him to be respectful and moral about this whole thing, yet D1 and D2 were both married and looking to cheat on their husbands. This was near a deal-breaker for me, but on the other hand, I didn't want to exactly tell him who to date...

I had put it to him like this, in the beginning. I was not comfortable with the idea that I could have an angry husband (or two!) showing up at my doorstep one day with a semi-automatic while I'm home with our son, looking for my husband and his wife. DH is considering this aspect.

*sigh* It's so hard not to impose my own morality on him, but the fact is, I'm really NOT okay with these husbands not knowing that my husband is sleeping with their wives. I'm still not sure how much it is my business though... I suppose, in terms of safety, if they're cheating on their husbands, then it's more likely (in my head) that the husbands could be cheating on them, and then that carries with it a large risk for disease transmission. Still... I struggle with determining how much of it I should have a say in. Don't wanna tell him WHO to date...

All that aside, it appears as though DH is pretty set on dating D2. This is the woman that just had a stillbirth a few months ago, and describes her husband as controlling and confining. Not making me comfortable. Still, she treats The Hubby kindly enough, and that seems to make him happy. I need him to be happy. These relationships, as rapid-fire as they are, have been generally positive for him and resulted in some fast growth. I wish I didn't nit-pick them to death in my head, though. But enough about DH's lovers for now.
~Arabella's Aria~

Arabella - Me, 36, female
DH - Arabella's Husband, 36, male
S, DH's new relationship, 35, female
Mr. C. - Arabella's boyfriend, 35, male, married to E
E - Mr. C's wife, 35, female

Last edited by Arabella; 07-11-2013 at 06:51 AM.
Reply With Quote