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Old 07-10-2013, 02:20 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: English Rose by birth; Calling the Southern Hemi home by choice.
Posts: 915
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I am sorry you are/were hurting. I think the three of you need to sit down and talk about some things. You can be the Mother Theresa of giving, but if nothing is ever reciprocated, resentment may start to build. You have watched Bug, been reduced to once a month dates, limited affection/interaction with her, and I guess my question to you is...are you needs really being met? It does not sound like it. You were working on the internal stuff and trying to deal with your jealousy and reactions to the overnights. It seems like there is no balance within the dyads. He spends at least one overnight every other week. When you spend the night, you have to be home before 7 AM? How often do you spend the night? It is unrealistic to not want to spend time with someone you love and care about.

You sound like the free help. Moving, packing, babysitter, taking her to doctor's appointments, etc. I see why you are wondering when the two of you get time together. If the last time was April, that is bad. Is there any way your husband can watch the children for a weekend, so you and her can spend some time together.

If you are waiting on schedules to clear, from one mum/wife to another, it will never happen. There will always be something to do. You have to carve out time. I hated living by a schedule, and I will never do it again. I would strongly suggest a schedule for your triad, though. Alternate the weeks of the month, so it will balance out. The three of you can sit down with your respective schedules and do it on a month by month basis. What the rest of July looks like may not be what August will look like. I am doing this on the basis of working during the day. If either of you work overnight, this will surely be different. Hopefully the basic gist gives you an idea, though and something to work with.

MTW -- at home with the hubby and children; squeeze a date in with one or maybe both; fit some you time in on one of these days; get your hair done, buy some lingerie, or whatever.
Thurs -- date night/possible overnight with her for you.
Friday -- date night with your DH -- even if you just stay in, cuddle, feed each other ice cream, watch a movie, or just cook dinner together; do not talk about your children, your pets, your girlfriend, your careers, or anything else; focus on one another and reconnecting after a busy week; grown-up conversation basically; hire a babysitter if necessary. There are plenty of teenagers who would love to make a little extra money. You and your DH can alternate date planning weeks. This is what we do, and it allows us to partake in each other's respective interests. It does not have to be anything fancy. Maybe there is a movie you want to see. If so, he might treat you to it. Maybe there is a new restaurant he is dying to try, maybe you can treat him.
Sat -- During the day, if you are both off, do something with your children. Children grow up really fast. That night: DH's date night/possible overnight with her.
Sun -- family time; family dinner with GF, DH, and all children; while she is there or you guys are over there, take the tame to discuss if all needs were met during the prior week; if not, re-work the schedule and figure out what you can do differently for the upcoming week.

With scheduling, you have to allow a cushion for the unexpected. Maybe one of you is struck with the flu or a child has a fever. Maybe you want to spend more time with her than with him. Push back the date with him and see if that is okay. Maybe she wants to spend more time with him than you. Tweak it as necessary. All three of you have to be flexible and willing to compromise. I hope this helps.

Ry
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