Op I am kind of sort of having a similar issue with my husband.
Sorry this is going to he long.
I love Butch.. don't get me wrong. When we started dating he brought up BDSM and his foot fetish. I tried to meets his BDSM needs. It left me feeling uncomfortable dirty.. I broke up with him.
He immediately said I can live without all that stuff. Our sex life was great for years. Slowly over the years his wants for BDSM crept back up. He started pushing for it hard. We ended up in a Mexican stand off sex wise.
He will not give up requesting those acts from me. Despite me allowing him to find play partners. He just doesn't get it that I do not want any part of it.
After several years I resent him. And I am having a hell of a time getting over it. He will offer an olive branch and I will try to reconnect sexually with him to have him insert kink into things. For example i tried the other night to romance my husband. We were touching and enjoying each others company. He then flipped around in the bed and started trying for foot play. It is an instantaneous turn off. Honestly I wanted to kick him in the face. After several years now I don't know if it is fixable.
My boyfriend makes none of those demands. The sex is organic. All he has to do is give me that look and oh my God. Even after more than a year.
I know things are going to get ugly between my husband and myself. I love himself and I do not want to lose him. But this is not healthy for either one of us.
40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 50/50 split of time between my two husbands.