This article still blows me.
Seven years later, and this article still grates on my nerves. My style of parenting may not suit every one, but God, I am glad I am not like this walking womb, who proudly professed that her children "bored" her. Her children knew that she would never take them to a park, spend quality time with them, or do any mothering because it basically annoyed her. Another cosigner to her way of thinking said the nannies raised her children, and she was fine with that. This lady admitted to working a hell of a lot to avoid being at home and taking care of her children. The thought of it stressed her out more than work. Some people should not be allowed to have children. That is not the worst part of it. She often begged their nanny to stay a little longer and read bedtime stories to her children because it was mind-numbingly boring to her. She could not find 10 minutes of time to read her child's favourite story. I find that utterly repulsive. I find myself wondering why in the hell did she have children to begin with? This lady is selfish, and I remember watching the interviews after this article came out. Her son was defending her self-centred parenting, and he admitted that it made him upset.
Never will I ever feel like the writer of that article. Is motherhood always exciting? No, but it is rewarding. Is it tiresome and draining? Yes times two. Parenting is not some picture perfect hobby. This is why people should not have designer babies and treat them like accessories. Are my children the centre of my universe? No. I am not trying to raise narcissists. I want to teach my children that is okay to have a family and maintain interests outside of the home. I want them to know that I value every bit of time spent with them will be worth it to me. I want them to know that they do not have to lose themselves in their roles as a mother/father/spouse/significant other.
I am home with my children right now, and day three has not been terrible. I have to shift my thinking if I am going to stay at home for the next couple of months. I am giving it serious consideration, but I have doubts. They are both down for their afternoon naps. They should be waking up shortly. I have been looking at my watch every few minutes. I just feel like I am serving no purpose if I am just sitting at home. Will that feeling ever go away?
The good news is I have been more engaged with her. She helped me prepare lunch. We watched Clifford: The Big Red Dog, Mickey Mouse Club (hot dog, hot dog, hot diggity dog--yes, she had me singing the song), and Dora the [Annoying Ass] Explorer. After that, it was enough telly time. She wanted me to read with her and help her with writing her name some more. She has a pretty good grasp on it. Fortunately, she has an easy first name. The last names are the tricky part.
I have found quite a few activities to do with her. I decided we are going to have theme based activities. I am working on plans for each week to insure that she and I get bonding time in. She loves music and loves to sing and dance, so I am incorporating those into the plans. She loves arts and crafts, so we are going to make something every week. I want to do mini lessons with her every day. Since we are a faith based home, we came up with a fingerplay based activity for her to do before saying grace. Just something really cute and simple for her to remember. She did it before she ate lunch. She asked me, "Can you do it with me, mummy?" We want to get her in to the habit of praying before meals and before bedtime again. We are slowly getting back on track. DH was never off the track, though. I am still finding my religious footing after abandoning the church for five years, so it will continue to be a learning experience.
Regarding poly...I disagree with the statement that I am/was terrible at it. The two people in my life were never going to get along or mix again. He does not want to hear her name, see her face, or anything else. He only agreed to counselling with her to resolve any issues before burying that chapter. I made plenty of mistakes and very selfish choices. I am human. Sue me. *shrug* I have taken responsibility for what I did, and I am taking steps to make amends. If I was terrible at it, I would still be in the relationship with Si, playing Russian Roulette with my marriage, and still being the borderline psychologically abusive wife I was to my DH. It was unhealthy, and the recent dynamic has been equally unhealthy. It was never going to be a peaceful union again, and it has nothing to do with controlling me or telling me how to live. At no point did he ever tell me to stop loving her. He never told me to stop seeing her. He told me to keep her away from him and our children because he does not trust her or particularly care for her. DH has every right to say who he does or does not want around him or around our children. Once someone has proven that they cannot be trusted, a parent has every right to protect their children. He told me that I needed to stop putting her before our children. Nothing mean there. It is the truth. Last weekend should have never happened, and I apologised to my children for it. I am not perfect by any stretch. There is no sense in rehashing what I could have, should have, and would have done back then. It is 10th July 2013. I cannot focus on what I should have said, did, or how I was supposed to act on 10th July 2009. All I can do is worry about how to be and do better in the future. Hindsight is insight. I am learning the lessons now, paying the rising costs, and being realistic about it. Functional poly with those two is not my reality. I have accepted it, and I have come to terms with it.
Instead of lamenting over what will never be now or what I may or may not miss in the future, I have taken the approach of embracing what I have and realising that I am blessed to have everything I do have.