Originally Posted by willowstar
AnotherConfused, it sounds to me like you just have a compatibility issue in the bedroom... I also believe that me being able to express my poly side by having another relationship helps me quite a bit.
With my BF, however, there is no trying involved. It is clear to me that he and I are much more sexually compatible. I think this is partly because he is more sexually experienced than my husband is, and, well, practice makes perfect, right? ...We are also not having PIV sex, but I can relate to your experience of knowing that can be just fine.
I wonder if learning something like tantra or trying some actual techniques would be helpful for you? It would give you both something to focus on, a specific thing to try. Your husband may simply not really know what else to do?? Or take a workshop of some kind? Maybe you can just realize that your husband will give you quiet lovemaking sexual experiences, and C will give you something different?
Just my two cents...
Wow, we have very similar situations! My husband was a virgin when we met. C hasn't had many partners and claims to never have had a good sex life before, but for whatever reason it's just effortless with us.
I do think I can be content with one kind of sweet and gentle lovemaking at home, and exploring my wilder side with C. But I can't even seem to get any kind of sex at home these days. There's something very sad about trying to have sex with my husband and failing! And it's hard not to resent that I can only have PIV sex in the more difficult relationship.
Tantra techniques... I'm sure those will be useful at some point, but probably I need to clear the way emotionally first.