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Old 07-10-2013, 12:46 AM
AnotherConfused AnotherConfused is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 264

Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
I see that you are not willing to push him beyond what he can tolerate... But how close to the edge ARE you willing to run him? Yourself? How willing are you to let go of baggage yourself?

You have sex problems
You have emotional problems.
He does all he can to ignore C exists or that you spend time with C.
C's worried about being a homewrecker.
You are afraid to be you.

Haven't gone into CLEAR dealbreaker territory. That would almost be easier.

It seems to run right up to the edgiest edge possible without tipping over with no comfort margins left for anyone to breathe easy.
I think if I can resolve the emotional problems, it will mostly clear up the sex problems. (I'm ok with our sex not fulfilling all my fantasies, since I do have C for some of that.) C won't worry about wrecking our family if these emotional/sex problems resolve. So it comes down to my husband not being comfortable with C's role in my life, and he says it's not a deal breaker at this point. He also believes it will get easier in time, when our kids are older, and my family needs less of my time.

A friend of mine said what I really need to ask him is whether he thinks my relationship with C is wrong, and if it's wrong in his eyes, then why does he think it's wrong? Maybe if he could answer this, I wouldn't feel so judged for it.

We got a David Schnarch book at the library this evening. Hoping that will give us some insights.

Tomorrow is our wedding anniversary.
Married to a monogamous man 15 yrs, mother of 2, dating C 3 yrs, and in a romantic friendship with L more than 20 yrs
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