Hmm, your h drives me crazy and I'm not even married to him.
My gf's libido is lower than mine, and she can be passive, a "pillow princess." Sometimes when she gets too much that way, I just take care of my own sexual needs (or let my bf take care of me), and leave her alone sexually for a while. She still talks to me a lot, we cuddle, we kiss, we have quality time and dates, we say I love you, we are romantic, so we remain connected that way.
I do get frustrated by her passivity sometimes and every few months I do feel the need to vent verbally about my frustration. It mostly works out. I understand she was formerly a 24/7 slave in the BDSM world and that is her nature, to be more of a recipient.
I get to see my bf once or twice a week though, and our sex is intense, we are both switches and mix it up who is the aggressor. Very satisfactory!
But miss pixi and I don't have all the underlying tension about being poly that you two do. Those kinds of tensions are intimacy and libido killers. BTDT with my ex husband.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
Mags (poly, F, 60) loving miss pixi (poly, F, 38) since January 2009, living together since 2013
also loving Punk (monogamish, 42, M) since Oct 2015
"Master," (mono, 34), miss pixi's Dom for 2 years