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Old 07-09-2013, 06:34 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 4,920

I think he just has these deeply ingrained ideas of what is right and wrong (Catholic school) and he's not willing to have a wife that does "wrong".
Could this other jealousy article could help too – esp with core beliefs?

And I feel this, so I know another block I have is that I am afraid to let my sexual self loose around him, knowing that he doesn't approve of most of my fantasies and my whole other relationship.
I don't have anything handy like articles for how to cope with feeling "judged" or "unaccepted as you are." Maybe someone else has the line on those?

I think what people are mostly uncomfortable with is the idea that a third party can have control over what goes on in a relationship. That my husband would be able to limit what I do with C.
If that is what his limit are so he can be willing to be in a concurrent relationship? That's where his limit is then.

You could always say "no thank you, not willing to do that." You ARE Willing. So I don't have probs there.

So this limit on my relationship with C isn't a giant deal for me, just something I am able to do in order to avoid pushing my husband beyond what he is able to tolerate.
There's where I have trouble. I see that you are not willing to push him beyond what he can tolerate... But how close to the edge ARE you willing to run him? Yourself? How willing are you to let go of baggage yourself?

You have sex problems
You have emotional problems.
He does all he can to ignore C exists or that you spend time with C.
C's worried about being a homewrecker.
You are afraid to be you.

Haven't gone into CLEAR dealbreaker territory. That would almost be easier.

It seems to run right up to the edgiest edge possible without tipping over with no comfort margins left for anyone to breathe easy.

Husband doesn't sound truly happy to be in polyship like this. Yet you don't free him or you. And he doesn't free himself or you. Everyone carries baggage. It is sad.

I'll hope that as you resolve the emotional problems these things will also resolve so you can all be in a healthier way. Right now it sounds rough. I'm sorry.


Last edited by GalaGirl; 07-09-2013 at 11:18 PM.
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