Thread: New and so sad
View Single Post
  #16  
Old 07-09-2013, 04:56 PM
Anneintherain's Avatar
Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Seattle-ish
Posts: 826
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by erkabu View Post
I met the greatest guy ever from OKCupid about a week and half ago and somehow let myself really fall for him even though I found out that he was in an open marriage (not normally my thing). After we talked, I realized he was probably poly and so I've been devouring everything about poly online this past week.
I also just want to say, just because he's in an open marriage doesn't mean he is poly, as you can tell from what's happened, each person's open relationship can be very different, so talking about the specifics, including stuff like those "secondaries" questions and how they handle it when their partners fall for somebody else is very important. In this case a question about how they handle NRE might be important, I get the sense perhaps he might have been carried away and acting like an ass to get that reaction from his wife.

I'll also say that if you date somebody seriously committed to somebody else, it's smart to find out how their partner defines their open relationship too, as often enough two people in a couple can have very different viewpoints. Example - wife DOES define herself as poly and would be happy if he fell in love with you and be glad to be your friend, but he might define himself as open and like dating/sex but reflexively shudder at the idea of having a *future* and tends not to like his partners socializing together although he's romantic and affectionate one on one. Getting all that information ASAP lets you make a decision about if it's a good fit for you, since there are so many varied combinations and complications when there are established partnerships.

Sounds like if you decide to date other people who are non monogamous you'll be asking this stuff right away and be better prepared though.
__________________
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.

Last edited by Anneintherain; 07-09-2013 at 05:00 PM.
Reply With Quote