I am sorry op. It sucks being hurt.
But I will agree with others. At least you found out early on. You definitely do not want to get involved with someone whose partner has that kind of power over your life not to mention wields it vandictively.
Do not get yourself wrapped up in a fanasty world when dating. You had 2 dates and you were planning a future together? Hon you hadn't even seen the real him yet. I also hate to pop your poly fantasy bubble. Just because you would have been dating him it doesn't mean you and his wife were going to be bff's or even like each other. My husband and biyfriend definately aren't they are respectful of each other but my boyfriend wouldn't want to hangout with him socially.
As for thinking of bringing the kids into things after 2 dates wtf are you thinking. This is not something you bring children into Willy nilly. Kids tell the world your secrets. Plus you just shouldn't invovle children in your dating life period until you are sure they will be around a long time . Society isn't exactly the most accepting place, and a lot of oso's are kept as dirty little secrets.
Again sorry you're hurting and I am sure others will give better advice for you.
40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 50/50 split of time between my two husbands.