That's a great deal of WONDERFUL info. I appreciate it all!
Just to clear things up...this whole idea/concept/thought is TOTALLY new to all of us. I've been friends with them for a while, but THIS is NEW. I truly didn't mean to make the wife sound like a control freak. She's not at all. No one's being forced to do anything, and that includes her; she's not being forced accept me a a part of their family. It's a very loving friendship, and things are progressing slowly.
Flowerchild: Yes, I've committed myself to him..totally my choice regardless of sex or not. (tons of personal history behind my choice in that matter). And yes, I'm thinking eventually there will be private time for he & I. Again..allll is new, and he & I are NOT cheaters so we're not going to do anything deceivingly. We can't help that we fell in love.
I read the article about primary and secondary. There's a lot of great info there, and I appreciate the link.