Originally Posted by kdt26417
FullofLove1052, I wonder if you might not be in a subconscious mourning phase for losing your relationship with Si? Every time you try to have a little of the old times with Si, there's Matt, afterwards, with his angry words and expressions, and you realize (again) that you can't have the life with Si that you used to. Si keeps getting pushed further and further onto the back burner. Now she will only have electronic contact with you (texts and that). It looks as if your relationship with Si is dying. I would expect you to be in a period of mourning about that.
I feel for all three of you in this situation. I can see how you would all three feel rejected, left out, etc. ... There must be some guilt at continually giving Si less and less of you. I share your sense of mourning in that sense. You are truly between a rock and a hard place.
No, I am not in mourning. I cannot even say I am sad. I am at peace. I had to make peace with what my life has come to. I dug this grave for myself, so complaining will do no one any good. I could stand in the hole and scream and bitch, but who is really going to hear it? There is no way this will ever be a healthy dynamic. It is simply impossible, and I have come to terms with that. It has taken 17 weeks to do so, but I am okay. I made the decision I saw fit to make: cutting her off, and I have pulled the plug on any poly related counselling sessions. It is a moot point.