Originally Posted by xotheladyxo
That is our plan. I don't want to control, manipulate, or use someone for our benefit and then throw her away when things get tough or aren't fun anymore. That's not the type of people we are. I recognize that this person will be just that, a person with wants, needs, feelings, thoughts, and opinions. Like I said, I am just trying to learn the best way of doing things and how to avoid making the common mistakes that couples make. I will do my best to be more aware of my wording so that it doesn't get interpreted differently than I intend.
Here's the thing. You were happy in a relationship with a couple, when you were the unicorn? There was no jealousy, no rules like you could only have sex with both of them at once, etc?
Somehow you had good strong romantic feelings for both of them that were fairly equal?
That is as rare as hen's teeth. Too bad it ended for some reason.
Now, you're married, in a tight couple, even have a kid already despite your youth (must only be an infant or toddler?) You 2 want a woman to love you both equally.
You say you've read the very lengthy article about the pitfalls of unicorn hunting. OK. So, what happens if you (singular) fall deeply for this hypothetical woman, and she for you, and your h loves her too, but she doesnt love him, or even like him much? Or vice versa, he and she have a connection and she doesnt care for you, or you do not care for her? If there's a veto because things arent "equal" love-wise, hearts WILL be broken.
I'm speaking from experience. My ex h and I were unicorn hunters back in 1999 and went thru hell. He found a soul mate, I liked her and was attracted to her, however, she didnt care for me more than as an acquaintance, and indeed, saw me as a rival for his love. I vetoed her.
Our marriage took a huge hit and it was one of the factors in our divorce years later. This is serious life changing shit here. We thought it would be all fun and games and gooshy feelings and exciting 3way sex. Um. No.
(I'm still poly but I do not look for unicorns. I get my own lovers, and so do my partners.)