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Old 07-06-2013, 11:50 PM
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Natja Natja is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by YellowBird View Post
What is "NRE?"
New relationship energy, that crazy in love feeling that makes you contemplate the kind of stupid risks that otherwise you would not do....
Including ignoring situations when you are at an obvious disadvantage.

Quote:
But how DOES anyone start a life of poly without a beginning? How is this supposed to start? None of us are experienced at this or have even known it existed, so why run away from something that's potentially beautiful?
It might sound harsh at the moment Bird, but what you have described so far is less beautiful and more a future car crash, you need a healthy foundation to build something both beautiful and strong. Let's say you want to build a house with this couple, right now they are offering you polystyrene bricks and you are accepting it because you think that it will work, it won't, you need to insist that you get the real bricks, but they might not want to give them up.

Quote:
How do you know it WILL hurt me?
Because I have taken polystyrene bricks before, because over many years I have seen others take them, I have seen people hold out for the real bricks and get them. I have also seen smart women, who know they are being given a duff deal, ignore the inner voice which is really there to protect her because the prospect of love is just too, too sweet. This is what I believe you are doing.
Quote:
We've discussed the fact that the wife and I are not "in love," ..yet.
Why would two hetero women even have that conversation? It is a desperate attempt at the wife trying to cleave onto yours and the husbands budding relationship so she does not feel left out, it is a bonkers proposition and destined to fail, do you know how seldom that sort of situation works anyway even with two bisexual women who are often in love with each other (at least for a while)?

Quote:
Natja: "start as you mean to go on" would require just STARTING but since the whole idea of it is so new, how can we JUST START? And, why does it spell danger?
Because you can't start that way, you don't just say 'yes' to anything that is offered and consider that a good place to start, so you are all new...you learn, you compromise, you don't just expose your neck and take what little crumbs you are given because it is better than being alone (trust me, it isn't)

London's advice was sound. If you decide to just carry on ignoring the dangers you will get hurt and trust me it will be you who is thrown out on your ear broken hearted and alone.
Funny enough there is thread going on right now where a woman has had her relationship controlled by the wife and just recently ended by her. At lest this woman has other lovers so she can take solace in their arms/company, that is more than what you will have unless you stand up for your rights.

Anyway, you might want to read it and see just were this sort of control usually ends up.

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=49395

At the end of the day you will do what you want to do anyway, but I will hope that you do not ignore that inner voice, that you will not accept this restriction, that you will not get involved with this women so you can only have sex as a threesome (being a friend is fine, you don't have to create a romantic relationship out of that) and that you all do a heck load more reading before you start anything.

Please be sensible and protect yourself.
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