Thread: Wide Awake
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Old 07-06-2013, 08:43 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: English Rose by birth; Calling the Southern Hemi home by choice.
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Originally Posted by Vixtoria View Post
Not totally be a buzz kill, but all he said was "Same stuff. Different continent." Isn't that pretty much accurate though? At this point he doesn't want to know or see anything about you and Si. Well, when he does, what he sees is that you choose her. You choose her over him. Over the kids, over family bonding. I love my boyfriend, and even if he was in town for only a week, if there was a day like that, at a park then dinner than a movie, I'd be with my kids and hubby. Boyfriend would understand, and hey I might even check with kids and hubby if boyfriend can join us for part of it. Maybe the movie, or dinner, or just for a bit at the park in the beginning and then the rest of the day for the family.
It is accurate. I cannot even argue with that because I did slip back in to my old habits. I understand why he is upset. He has every right to be. I am sorry I missed it. It would not have killed me to join them at the movies or dinner. I left home after breakfast, and when I did get back, they were getting ready for bed. I missed an entire day of bonding, so yes, he should be pissed.

Now I get that Matt was probably not EVEN going to consider Si being there for part of the day, but what was so hard about spending a family day with family? I would be upset if positions were reversed too. I get it, Matt is a bad bad man. He no like poly! He no like Si. He no want to see it!
No, he did not want her there. He is not bad. He does not trust her or particularly care to be around her. He desperately needs a break without her being part of his/our world. He does not want her around our children. Period. There was nothing hard about it. My child is going to school in a bit over a week, and this is the first time I have had uninterrupted time to be with them. No work phone going off. No off the wall hours. No trying to catch a nap in my free time. Instead of taking advantage of this time, I chose to spend the time with my ex. I see why I do not trust my own judgement. My children's nanny had the day off, and she was with them, too. So yes. What he sees when he does give me the chance to prove that things will be different is that I have not changed at all, and I am falling in to the same habits once again. I keep proving him right and making him feel like the vicious cycle is about to hit repeat.

You mentioned that if that had been a test, you would have failed it. Sadly, it was a test. It may not have been set up as one, it wasn't intentional but when you are rebuilding trust and a relationship, all these little things are tests. He's upset because you not only failed, you epically failed. Why would he want to consider poly or Si in his life again when the choice always comes down to her? That's the way he is probably feeling and most likely quite a bit of disappointment.
I epically failed and then some. Our therapist just warned me about this, and I failed the first test.

So yes, bad Matt, no like poly. Has he had any reason to??
He has every reason not to like it and want no part of it. He has every right to not like something that brings negativity and ill feelings. He has no reason to like it. There is nothing in it for him. There are no benefits. It always comes down to him or her--usually with her being the chosen one. It always amounts to a massive disappointment.
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