Miss K comes to visit
Catfish and I are having K over for dinner tonight and we're both really looking forward to it. I'm making a chicken and we're going to have a fire and drink some wine and talk; maybe go to a show later on.
I have had some anxiety about this date but mostly because she is staying overnight as it would be silly for her to go the 2.5 hours home afterward. Mostly, though, I feel really good doing everything I can to make her feel welcome in our home, and I am looking forward to the chance for us to all normalize a bit with each other- to finally all be physically in a room together, comfortable and hopefully able to talk face-to-face about things.
K's friend died yesterday, unfortunately, so I want to hug her even more than I did before, which was a lot.
C and I are doing great telling each other what our feelings are regarding K and I'm really proud of us- I feel really privileged to be in his life, and to have such a beautiful love connection with him that has allowed us to get to this point with each other. We are totally agreed that K is someone we want in our family, however that may play out, and we are both excited to get to spend some time with her, try to make her laugh, hug the crap out of her, and just enjoy ourselves.
Yes, I'm nervous, but I suspect that will all fade away when she walks in the door.
The biggest victory I'm feeling right now is that I'm not so afraid of myself, because I know I've said everything that's on my heart to C, and I know that K is not my rival. I am realizing that the fear of my reaction to any one of the infinite possibilities of situations I could dream up and worry over comes from a feeling of not being understood or valued. I feel very loved and valued today, and I have made sure that I am understood by C, so the fear has no hold on me. I am not afraid at all, I just feel open- open heart, open arms, open mind. I am safe and I have taken responsibility for getting to this safe place. It's cold outside but it's warm in my home today.
"Rocks will open and make a way for the lover."
~Hazrat Inayat Khan
I love Catfish and Charlie.