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Old 07-06-2013, 06:38 AM
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Ramina Ramina is offline
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Glendale, AZ
Posts: 13

Originally Posted by Natja View Post
I do not feel objectification is a necessity to be honest about what kind of relationship one is seeking.
Where in any of our posts, did we objectify our audience outright? Are you implying to us anyone may enter into a relationship with you, sans prerequisites? Are you willing to date anyone despite level of personality, physical attraction, intellect, drive, & aspirations or lack thereof so as long as they're interested in you? Would you suggest this lack of discernment for your children? Are you suggesting we lower our standards to appease those who aren't a fit with us?

Knowing what we want & aiming towards that is not a matter of entitlement; it's Logic. When it comes to love, we entitled ourselves to whomever we allow into our heart, beneficial or otherwise; leading to my next point:

Originally Posted by Natja View Post
It is perfectly possible to do it without objectification, thousands do, so I don't feel 'we want to be honest' excuses you from culpability in this matter. Think, just because you can't see it, it doesn't mean it is not there, a person such as yourself is not the intended audience
The 50% divorce rate in our country is evidence that Millions of people make the mistake of not being honest enough with others & themselves, to pursue the person or people they truly need. Instead they of settle on someone with whom they never should've from the start; often at the behest of peer pressure (Hint) or social etiquette that has too few solutions for when those doomed relationships fail. The rate of separation is exponentially so with poly relationships; especially as we're an atypical community. On top of this, we as a society are encouraged to accept this as incalculable risks; these risks that are entirely avoidable without enduring solitude.

I didn't need to be persuaded when I fell in love with my wife. Honestly, I was fighting the love I felt--for my then friend, because I wanted to remain single. My wife fell hard for me, as she saw something in me even I missed; again without persuasion by either of us or anyone surrounding us. In fact, despite my past & everything it carried, we came together--without settling or being convinced by others to fall in love. When we began our first triad, it was the same circumstance. There was no persuasion nor conniving of some sort. Without even knowing if she was romantically interested in us or the type of relationship we were offering, we simply got to know each other over a few days. Then the 3 of us had an honest conversation over dinner one night & the rest is history.

As I've mentioned before, my wife & I didn't settle on each other. We will also not settle on just anyone, simply because they've chosen us. We've had a triad before & are optimistic we will again; without lowering our standards.

Perhaps to you & your friends this exchange is some kind of battle of wills against my wife & I. However this is our life--our home, you mean to sway into these na´ve platitudes. After all, what have you to lose--what are you wagering, right? To me--even my wife (who's far less experienced than I) what has been posted so far between you & Cindie so far denotes little empirical knowledge on this subject. Not that we've come looking for a resume, but rhetorically, what is your experience in polyamory? Exactly...

As previously mentioned, when I was single I didn't have any where near the spare time it appears some of our posters enjoy. Being married has afforded the most free time & stretch of monogamy I've ever had. Before my wife & I were ever even dating, I've had an extensive variety of lovers at any given time. My reputation was to such she knew much about me from that period of time, long before I told her--from others who didn't even associate with me, but knew about me. If one were to attempt to deduce your & Cindie's lives based on My life experiences, they would conclude neither of you are truly poly at all. This would be because while I was single & exercising my polyamorism there was little time for anything else. Too many lives shared & mingling with mine to even acknowledge anything too remote from our scene.

Yet, that's just my experience & it's clear this is not yours.

However we both thank you for the input Natja.

Take your life in your own hands, & what happens? A terrible thing: no one to blame. -Erica Jong
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