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Old 07-05-2013, 11:26 PM
Icewraithonyx Icewraithonyx is offline
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Michigan
Posts: 64

Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
No, it sounds like you're saying that lots of people here condone cheating. Is that something you gathered from this thread, or elsewhere? There is a world of difference between forgiving the cheater in order to move on and tolerating cheating, which I am certain most members here would not do, myself included. I wouldn't put up with it.

From this thread:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
She doesn't necessarily need to give up being with your cousin in order to make amends and rebuild trust. Plenty of poly people stay with the people they cheated with, while they worked on the relationship with the partners they cheated on.
Sounds like "Well, cheating isn't all that bad."

Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Sometimes it is impossible to forgive and no reconciliation can be made. But if healing and reconciling the relationship is the goal, then compassion and forgiveness toward both cheater and cheatee (you know, as in not beating oneself up for not seeing or beleiving the warning signs, etc.) is necessary, I believe.
I don't disagree IF both the betrayed and betrayer want to do the work, (of which the betrayer has the majority), it's not productive to keep beating her over the head just to punish her. He may have to express some thoughts and feelings that she won't like. I don't think they can say "Oops" and get a clean slate, as if the offense never happened. (FYI, if you go to jail for breaking into houses, and a housebreaking happens in your area after you've paid your debt to society, guess who they're going to have questions for?)

I empathize with how he's probably feeling. I think he's still more upset than even HE realizes. And he needs to decide WHETHER to work on forgiveness and reconciliation or end things. Either decision has pro and cons so it's up to him. But maybe a little sympathy for a difficult situation?

Last edited by Icewraithonyx; 07-05-2013 at 11:33 PM.
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