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Old 07-05-2013, 08:34 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Richardson, TX
Posts: 1,357

Originally Posted by tilhumanvoiceswakeus View Post
I did ask for some things- like that he check in with me first if possible when he was going to see her and schedule their meetings on certain days to make things easier for me, which he has done (although even that I felt horribly guilty and controlling asking for.)
Is this due to you guys having cramped schedules? Some couples need to resort to a calendar to make getting together more convenient. This is the case with monogamous couples who have demanding work schedules, people who have busy social lives, polyamorous couples who have various partners they want to spend time with. If it is simply a time management solution then I would say... whatever works.

However, your restricting the nights that *they* see each other to a particular schedule sounds controlling. I don't know the details of your situation but it would make more sense for you to post up *your* schedule and ask for time for the two of you - not telling them when they can get together.

Originally Posted by tilhumanvoiceswakeus View Post
No acknowledgement that it might suck that I had to leave early, no asking if I was ok with this, just a pure statement of what he was doing
Good for him. Sounds like he knows what he wants to do and isn't asking for permission (which is how I think it should be done)

Originally Posted by tilhumanvoiceswakeus View Post
which left me feeling like I had to just go along with whatever he wanted to do.
You decide what you do with your time. If it would be uncomfortable for you to go to something then don't go. If you want to go anyway and try to have a good time then go.

Originally Posted by tilhumanvoiceswakeus View Post
I sent him a message saying it would be nice if he acknowledged it might be difficult for me
I would break up with you right then and there. I would text back "this is over, I'll pick up my shit this weekend"

The reason for this is what you are doing is overtly making your own sensitive feelings his problem to deal with. You are passing authority and responsibility for your time and emotions to him because you either can't or won't deal with them yourself. Further, you are enforcing this transfer of responsibility with guilt for how much pain your are feeling.

It is his choice about whether or not he endures this baggage being handed off to him. His not responding sounds like he's gritting his teeth and wondering how he wants to "deal with you" as one would deal with an emotional teenager.

Take responsibility for your feelings and avoid the instinct to pass them off to someone else. Otherwise you should start getting comfortable with the idea of having difficult relationships in which you never seem to "feel valued". No one can do this for you... it's up to you.
Me: male, 40, straight, single

Last edited by Marcus; 07-05-2013 at 09:06 PM. Reason: Child to teenager, more accurate
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