Am I being controlling- need some perspective
I need some perspective. My boyfriend of about nine months recently started seeing someone else about two months ago. I've been really struggling with feeling sad and unwanted, to the extent that I've started self harming again which is something I hadn't done in a long time. I know that the jealousy is something I need to work through, and I've tried not to try to limit their relationship in any way by asking for many boundaries, as I feel that would be counter productive. I did ask for some things- like that he check in with me first if possible when he was going to see her and schedule their meetings on certain days to make things easier for me, which he has done (although even that I felt horribly guilty and controlling asking for.)
He is seeing her this weekend, and I realised there was an event we might both want to go to (separately- I don't feel up to seeing them together yet). So I sent him a message telling him I was thinking of going to the beginning and probably wouldn't stay late but might, and asked him to let me know if this clashed with his plans. He told me he was probably going around 8.30. No acknowledgement that it might suck that I had to leave early, no asking if I was ok with this, just a pure statement of what he was doing which left me feeling like I had to just go along with whatever he wanted to do.
I sent him a message saying it would be nice if he acknowledged it might be difficult for me, and then another one saying I might have misread but I would like it if he was more clear about being open to negotiation. He hasn't replied, and now I feel like I've done something wrong.
Don't get me wrong- I don't think his message was that bad, just a bit insensitive. I just don't like this feeling that I'm the one being jealous and controlling when I bring up feeling uncomfortable with how he's handled something.
But I feel like I'm missing some perspective here, and perhaps am just letting my jealousy get in the way? Any insights would be appreciated.