Originally Posted by graviton
I can appreciate where you are coming from nycyndie. You identify as poly and recognize that you would sooner give up a partner than give up your identity.
Egad, no! I do not ID as poly. I am just a human being open to having multiple relationships. For me it is not an identity or orientation AT ALL - I choose it, but would be happy in a mono relationship, too, because my happiness depends on ME, not on a relationship configuration. A relationship configuration is never, ever more important than a person. I just like the idea of having a life full of love and loving people, so for now I embrace poly as a practice.
I understand everything you're saying, but you really have no idea how much venomous anger is spewing out of your posts, so I just wanted to point out to you how obvious it is that you haven't forgiven her, though you say you did. I suspect forgiveness sometimes has to come in stages or steps, but I just take issue with the parameters you set forth for taking her back - that she can't have an outside relationship but you can
. Both your wife and you are autonomous beings who make your own choices, but if you want to work on our relationship and heal the marriage, I think you need to look a little more at how creepy it is to make rules like that.
You both should consider therapy, individually and together.