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Old 07-05-2013, 02:39 PM
bookbug bookbug is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 757

Originally Posted by Hetaera View Post
It's not even the break up that's upsetting me anymore, it's the being treating as a 2nd class citizen the whole time we've been seeing each other that doesn't rate as high as a barnyard animal. And shame on me for accepting it. Yeah, maybe I'm just exhausted from taking care of a sick kid & a 2 yr old that won't sleep past 5.30 am & I have a slightly bruised heart & ego, but it still seems pretty shitty to me. I think this man is sweet but incredibly selfish.

And I just keep wondering what kind of person actively looks for a girlfriend while his wife just had a baby? I asked over & over & over again if he was sure she was ok with it & even talked to her about it. Am I an idiot? Plus his ex-wife was an apparent nyphomaniac (I'm at a loss for a better term) & this one was practically a virgin. Very very strange.
Having a sick child is a lot to contend with on top of this. I am sure exhaustion is probably playing a role in how you are processing this. I so sorry you are hurting.

The thing of it is, however their relationship works (or doesn't), they play certain roles to each other. You were fulfilling a different need in him - one that he will now still require, but be denied because of his wife's demand.

I understand being that person who fulfilled a different need. When I first joined my last couple, it became apparent that she was far more needy than she showed in public. Like a child, she demanded her husband be responsible for how she felt / coped, etc. One of the things the husband told me early on was, "it is so nice that I don't have to take care of your feelings." I thought it an odd thing to say, but the reason quickly became apparent as he was so overburdened.

So you may have been the fun lover, the person he could be with - even if just for a few hours - that gave him a time with no responsibilities. For him, you probably seemed like a wonderful gift.

The thing of it is, the person who makes demands, the wife, the person to whom he feels obligation, will always win out in the short run. Whether that remains true over the course of time remains to be seen. For my couple, her needy, demanding, and subsequent refusal to entertain growing up and acting like an adult ended in divorce a year after I was out of the picture.