Originally Posted by nycindie
No, I'd dump him for arrogantly keeping his relationship with his girlfriend while he forbids me to have any other relationships. Of course he has a right to be angry, but at some point, he needs to let that go or it will turn into bitterness and eat him alive. He is flaunting his girlfriend to punish his wife and isn't even making any effort to forgive her - she is being treated like a criminal. This is serious shit, and if he really wants the marriage and his relationship with his wife to work, more than wanting revenge, they both need to focus on each other and takle a break from other partners.
No one can make amends or rebuild their trustworthiness if they know that their transgressions will be thrown in their face. The relationship needs two people to work together, not one groveling for forgiveness and a place in his life while he is basically saying "Fuck you" by lording his girlfriend over her. The cheating has to be dealt with but not via a temper tantrum. It's okay for him to be in love with his gf but she cannot be in love with her bf?
whoa whoa whoa you paint a pretty nasty picture. I can guarantee there is no flaunting, rubbing it into her face, lording over, temper tantrums or any of the other nasty things you have said. I am very tender towards my wife and sensitive to her needs. I have forgiven her but the problem lies in the trigger of this being A FUCKING FAMILY MEMBER I CANT ESCAPE FROM. So occasionally I have mood swings due to that. You are right that forgiveness means wiping the slate clean. However that takes time. Plus I can assure you, dating other people is the furthest thing from her mind. She has told me she has absolutely no desire to do so. We have been married 17 yrs, this was our first stumble into poly. It blew up in our face and damn near destroyed our marriage. She fucked my cousin at a family wedding party while drunk. Instead of being horrified by what she did and swearing him off and taking it to her grave, she decided to explore a little more with his wife by asking me if they could date, while at the same time start having an affair with him. This from a relationship where many have described as one of the best marriages they know, due to the level of communication and brutal honesty we have used in our marriage. I can assure you that her actions were so polar opposite to who she was (normally) that I'm still flummoxed by the whole thing.