Originally Posted by bookbug
As for the guy being your cousin, how is that relevant? I see no importance in that.
I have moved light years away from the anger and resentment I was feeling 6 months ago. I'm not sure if you have ever been cheated on by your wife. But 6 months is a paltry amount of time in the healing process. I have forgiven her. The problem of him being my cousin is that I can't escape a trigger point for my anger and sadness due to him being a BIG part in my extended family. I can't think about or go to family functions without having to be reminded of their major breach of boundaries and respect to our marriage. If he were some other dude it would be easier to handle because it would be easier to remove him from my (and her) life, a very important step in healing from cheating. As far as her seeing others. She has admitted she fcked up and feels that poly isn't for her because she doesn't trust herself to be open and honest in that setting.
Thanks for your views I do take them to heart (especially you Marcus as I always love your analysis of every situation). I do recognize that by not giving up my girlfriend it may sap resources from the healing. I just can't stand the thought of breaking her or my heart because of something my wife did. My heart has already been broken once, I don't feel its fair to punish us (in yet another way as my wife's betrayal really caused a lot of pain to my girlfriend also when she saw how it affected me) because of my wife cheating. Losing my other love will only open new wounds and create more resentment towards my wife.