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Old 07-05-2013, 05:12 AM
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Phy Phy is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Germany
Posts: 648

I have been trying to think of something to post and there isn't much going on in our lifes that seem post-worthy, kind of. But as I started to think negatively again, as soon as I thought about visiting this site I wanted to make a happy post, to remind me that everything is good in our case. It made me a bit sad to read about all the negativety on here, yet again. (Well, did it ever stop?) If I remember correctly, the last time I did that, something bad came knocking at our door right away and I am curious if there is a pattern

Nevermind, I was just thinking that our life is beautiful right now. Even though I get stressed and sad regularly about our inability to have children and the time it took us by now without any results so far, what is disheartening for sure, I am happy. Happy about my two partners, happy about the peace all around me, family and friends and happy about my life in general. No doubt, there would be a better version imaginable and all of us strive to reach this one day, but it is quite perfect the way it is as well. All the little things ... I can't start to count what makes me happy. There is so much.

A negative side is that I instantly start to fear for this happiness to be gone the moment I am able to intensely feel how lucky I am. I cried some nights ago, because I am scared. I don't want Lin to be sick so often and I don't want my mother to be fighting dementia sooner than later and I don't want this peaceful life, we are living right now, to end.

Sward and Lin scolded me for this. But I can't stop thinking easily or at all, as it seems. The happier I am the more scared I get. But I am happy right now, no doubt about it.
Facts: 30, female, bi, v-type relationship with Sward (husband, straight, mono) and Lin (boyfriend, straight, mono), poly-fi and co-primary.

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