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Old 07-05-2013, 04:22 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Oh, your dream is hilarious. I like that you high-fived your dog when you woke up - that made me smile!

Originally Posted by kkxvlv View Post
In contrast I had a conversation with Herman recently where he mentioned feeling like he was a disappointment to his parents. He's mentioned this before and I don't get it. Both of his brothers are still living at home in their 30s. The vast majority of his cousins had kids in their teens and are already divorced, broke and often unemployed, how could they really be disappointed in him?
My soon-to-be-ex-husband had similar feelings, which puzzled me, too. Out of a family of almost all civil servants, he got his Masters degree, pursued a professional career, and became very successful in it. Not that there is anything wrong with being a civil servant, but most of his family are rather unambitious and only got government jobs for the pension and benefits, not for any kind of career satisfaction or standing. Meanwhile, he was brilliant at what he did. He would also compare himself to his nephew, who was getting accolades for his work, which is in a creative field but doesn't need much education. He was amazed that the kid knew what he wanted to do with his life already, while my husband was a late bloomer, having earned his degrees and getting into his career while in his late 30s.

We talked about why he felt they were disappointed, and it was simply that they never really acknowledged him verbally. He had led a wild life for a long time, and was basically considered the smart-ass fuck-up in the family, until he cleaned up his act. Then they were hugely proud of him, but not real big on communicating. They would acknowledge him in other ways like asking for his advice on things or referring friends and relatives to him. He's a Leo and thrives on praise, so the fact that his parents didn't actually come out and give him acknowledgement in the way that he wanted it made him feel they were disappointed. Sorta like they had different Love Languages. Thankfully, just before his father died, he told my husband that he loved him and was proud of him. I think that did a lot to heal that part of him that always wanted his father's approval.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

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Last edited by nycindie; 07-05-2013 at 04:28 AM.
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