Originally Posted by yul
Because she would prefer to be part of the "arrangement" but, even if she is not participating, she does want to feel comfortable and inspired by my other partner since we will all be having sex together even if indirectly.
. . . She also says she wants to make her presence known for all parties and doesn't want to be left out.
You seem to have missed the point we were trying to make.
It's absolutely fine that she would want to meet her metamour (whoever your other girlfriend would be), and perhaps develop a friendship or just a respectful acknowledgement of each other, BUT for her to HAVE A SAY in whom it will be is unreasonable!
If she is not dating that person, why should she expect to approve who it is? YOU are not SHE, and SHE is not YOU. You might be compatible and head-over-heels with someone she might not get along with - but so what? They can still be respectful and courteous to each other even if they aren't drawn to being friends, but if the woman is going to be with YOU, then YOU are the only person who needs to want to be with her.
Don't you understand? If it's not your girlfriend's relationship, she has no business directing it. It's YOUR relationship, therefore up to YOU who you get involved with and how you manage it. I can't believe you come here and complain about not being able to get a second relationship off the ground for three years and yet you can't see how you kowtow to your girlfriend's demands, basically letting her be a dictator over your life.