Communication is not just what you say, but how you are heard. Seeing as I have had this kind of conversation from guys more than once, I'm going to tell you how this sounds to me in hopes that you might see why you are having a hard time finding anyone interested.
**Guy sits next to me at the bar and smiles. I smile back. We talk for a few**
HIM: Hey, so listen, I just want to be honest. I'm married, but, I'm poly. Which means I can have more than one romantic relationship at a time. My wife knows, there is no cheating, and well, I'm interested in you.
ME: Oh, well that's different/new/interesting. Okay so um, I'm kind of interested in you too.
HIM: Great! So listen, wife is sitting across from us, *waves to woman who waves back* She likes to be part of this from the get go. See, we will all be having sex together at some point and she wants to make sure she likes you and would have sex with you or at the VERY least, you have to inspire her!
ME: Ummmm, So you are looking for a threesome? I'm kind of not into that sorry.
HIM: No no no! You misunderstand! There will of course be threesomes and even if there aren't directly, I'll be having sex with you which is like her having sex with you so she has to know she likes you! Also, she's always going to be my wife and the most important to me. So you know, if she doesn't like you it doesn't matter how much I like you or you like me, it's a package deal.
ME: Yeah, really not into that. I prefer dating ONE PERSON and getting to know them. I'm not opposed to meeting your wife at some point, maybe even becoming friends but, I don't want to be held hostage in a relationship. Thanks but no thanks.
HIM: No no! You see, You will not be held hostage! As long as we BOTH like you and want to fuck you it's fine! Also, you won't be as important as us two, and you won't have the same rights, like dating other people, financial security, or an equal say in major decisions, BUT, I have more than enough love for you! So that even if you do give up some rights to live in our happy cocoon of love, it's no big! As long as everything goes well!
ME: Yeah, and if for any reason your wife gets jealous or insecure then you dump me right? And I'm left with nothing and no say because she's your wife and so her insecurities are going to be more important than my rights?
HIM: Well basically yeah! But you know, as long as YOU fit us well, none of that bad stuff will happen! So come on! Let's go meet the wifey and see if she likes you! By the way, how are your teeth? You look like you have some nice child bearing hips . . .
Me: Late 30s pansexual poly.
DH: My husband of 19 yrs and father of 3 teen girls.
DC: LDR of +4 year