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Old 07-04-2013, 02:05 PM
Nadya Nadya is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 173
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Thanks, JaneQ! Yes, I can partly relate to what you are writing about. There were times, when I absolutely was NOT looking for romantic love and was happy to have all the extra energy for other things in life - and believe me, a lot of things I did and a lot of experiences collected.

What I did miss at that time, though, was parental love, support and acceptance. That was something I never had and never will have, most likely. The whole concept of truly caring for another human being was, the least to say, deficient in the environment I grew up in. So as a young adult I had quite a lot to learn about normal human interactions that most people pick up on as kids, if they grow in a healthy emotional environment. My way to deal with this was to be quiet and observant in situations that felt strange to me; and to bring myself regularly into such situations.

So my philosophy about love being non-existent included not only romantic love but all kinds of true caring of one another. I had very little experience about that and somehow the teenage years were so rough that the few good memories little by little faded away.

But, there came time when love came back to me in a recognizable form. That was platonic love within a tight circle of friends. We really and truly loved each other and that was the first time ever I felt loved. So obviously love did exist, in the end! From that point on I have been in the search of love and in the search of my true personality - I realized that I could not possibly know who I am before I was loved. People can only blossom in a loving, caring and accepting environment.

To me polyamory was the most natural thing. I was so starved of love that there was no way I would deny myself any of it that might ever come along. Also, at a point in my life all the connection with my parents and most of my biological family was totally cut off so I needed to build up a support network. Not totally from zero, but anyway. A strictly monogamous relationship was not an option to me; I would never count on any one person to provide all my emotional needs. And I needed freedom: freedom to meet people, learn about them and more importantly about myself as well as let those new relationships develop in their natural course.
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