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Old 01-29-2010, 11:15 PM
quila quila is offline
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 39

I'm just trying to imagine being your wife when you bring up the idea of a polyamorous relationship and how you want it to look. "Honey, I'm in love with two women, and I want M to come live with us, but I don't want you to have any boyfriends. Ok?" ... Somehow, I can't imagine that going over very well.

It's great that you've reached a point where you can identify as polyamorous. But I think you're only beginning your journey, because it's important to learn about YOUR responsibility is in this lifestyle. Polyamory is about give & take, compromise, and you have to be willing to meet your wife at least half way.

I've seen examples on here of arrangements where a poly person has a mono partner, and they insist that the mono partner be exclusive. When this makes sense to me, it's because of something in the mono person that prevents them (physically or emotionally) from being able to handle more than one romance at a time. Like in my case, my husband works really long hours and comes home tired, just barely (and sometimes not even) enough energy for our one relationship. So if he had to split that limited energy with another person, then my needs could not be met. This is very different from me saying that I want to date other girls, but I don't want him to date other girls because it makes me jealous. That would be a double-standard. If it was my jealousy standing in the way of him dating other girls, it would be my responsibility to deal with my personal issue.
I do not need a label to define me. Labels are sticky and I hate the glue they leave behind.

Last edited by quila; 01-29-2010 at 11:23 PM.
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