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Old 07-04-2013, 01:00 AM
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Vixtoria Vixtoria is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 306

Originally Posted by Hetaera View Post
I am a realist & understand that married couples, esp those with children have more at stake, more to lose than just 2 lovers. But when you put everyone on the level of being a sentient being with thoughts & feelings, I am just as important as them.

I'm glad you are taking it as such, a learning experience. I think we have all had our fair share of them and honestly my only regrets are that my learning came at the expense of bad feelings. For me and for others. Hearts get broken and bruised and it's unfortunate.

It does sound like they have work to do. Dealing with NRE or insecurities is her job and if she needs help from him she needs to voice that. It CAN be worked through and as hard as it is, if they are serious about poly they need to do the work. Sometimes I think it's more work when you are in an established relationship already, but if you truly want healthy relationships, free to grow the way they will and not put definitions on them, then you do it! That's not to say there aren't time frames. You know, when you are comfortable with over nights, visits with kids all that. But again, those are defined by EVERYONE to work.

As for the Aspergers, Bi Polar, et. al. Well, I have always held to the belief that these things that are wrong with us, they are reasons things are harder, not excuses. Take that as you will. For me, it's a way for me to explain why I can't get my point across the way I want or my brain fuzzes and things don't make sense, but not an excuse for hurting someone or not trying.

I do enjoy seeing what people use to define themselves though. I just wonder a lot on how that changes things. I've seen a few times someone mention they are getting a degree in mental health, and I wonder, well what does THAT mean?? I know more about things than many of my therapists because of the research I do and the experiences I've had, is that discounted because well I won't have the DEGREE? Does a degree mean you know something or see something different than me? Well I thought just on the virtue of being a different person that was true! So I take what labels people give themselves as interesting but no more merit than if you tell me you are female or male. It's such a small part of you I don't see how it makes much difference in the weight of opinions!
Me: 40 pansexual poly.
DH: My husband of 21 yrs and father of 3 teen girls.
DC: LDR of +9 years/former