I know it felt like salt in the wound, but it was honest. Now, there are people here that piss me off regularly and I just ignore them, to the point that I honestly don't even write when I agree with them! (as rare as that is) There are others on here that make me shake my head and wonder what crawled up their butt and died. However, whatever approach was used, I have to agree with London on this one.
It will help going forward to realize that all anyone can do is control themselves. You can not control him or his wife. However, he was letting his wife control him. HE said it was okay for her to use a veto.
Now, I'm married, long term and often get crap on the whole couples privilege thing. Do hubby and I have certain agreements between ourselves? Abso fuckin lutely! However, they are agreements between us, and so I am just as responsible for them as he is. If I give him veto power it's as much my prob when he uses it as him!
I get you love him and it's easier to blame the whole sitch on her and her decision to use this veto, but it's just as much his fault for how he handles it. He could stand up and say, "Hon I love you and if you need us to slow down fine, but you do not get to tell me I have to end a relationship. It's my relationship, not yours."
He chose not to. Sucks ass, but there it is. I'm only saying this because honestly I have been on BOTH sides of this. Lost friends because of someone pulling a veto and their partner not being honest or standing up against it and me being given the short end. As well as being married and DH and I discussing veto power and all that. (For the record, we realize veto power is a catch 22 and so useless so don't worry about it.)
Me: Late 30s pansexual poly.
DH: My husband of 19 yrs and father of 3 teen girls.
DC: LDR of +4 year