My GF is jealous of my Wife...what do I do?
Ok…warning, this will be long. Also, since I haven’t posted in a while, here is an update to my situation, before I ask for your opinion on my current situation. I have a live-in GF, Sue (not her real name). Sue never knew about Poly until we met so when I told her that Kat would know everything that happens, she thought that I was lying and just wanted to cheat on Kat and she was cool with the cheating (disturbingly, this is something I found to be more common this area). So she was reluctant to meet Kat but she did, they got alone, Sue started to come over more, and about two months later, she was sleeping more at our home then hers. Now I must admit, I didn’t go into this relationship for anything other than sex and since both Sue and I have a high sex drive so this was perfect for me…then, I developed feelings and feel in love. We (the 3 of us) had a discussion about her moving in and it happened a month later. Life was great…until I start noticing that Sue was unhappy with me showing Kat affection in front of her. Then, Sue started to do little things to sabotage Kat and my marriage (this would never work because we have a GREAT line of open communication). Then we had to talk to her and let her know that my relationship with Kat could never be in danger based on her lies and that maybe this Poly thing was not for her. She assured us that she was not trying to break us up and she wanted this to work because she loved me and has never been happier in her life. This pattern repeated itself two other times before we noticed that it only happened after she had been drinking and the apology came after she was sober. We talked to her about it and we decided that we can’t have any serious conversations if any of us had been drinking. This seemed to work…until I started noticing that Sue would still covertly say little things to try to put a wedge in our relationship. Nothing blatant or outright lies, but little misleading statements. Also, Sue still get jealous when Kat and I have any kind of date night or weekend get-aways.
Now, that you have the background here is my current situation, I’m not sure how long I can stay with this situation feeling that Sue has an alternative motive. Also, my love for her is dimensioning because of this feeling (and the fact that we argue more than not). I think I should have a one on one conversation with her (Kat agrees) about my feelings. I know it may lead to a break-up but I don’t think she is prepared for this to happen. When we decided to live together (January), she had just lost her last job, her car had just died, and her lease was up on her house. Sue was unemployed for about 3 months and has had her current job for about 3 months. So, she uses our vehicles to go wherever she wants (to include work), we don’t let her pay rent (want her to save her money for her a vehicle and a savings account), and only let her contribute very little towards household items. If we were to break up, I would want her to stay at the house until she could fully support herself. The issue is that if this happens, I wouldn’t have sex with her anymore (regardless of how much I wanted to) because I wouldn’t want her to think that we are good again.
So, my questions are:
1) How do I approach the conversation about “my feeling for you have changed for the worse”?
2) If it comes to a break-up, how do I let her know that we are not trying to kick her out and we still want to help until she get on her feet?
3) Have anyone had a partner that turned into a roommate and did it work?
Thanks in advance for reading this and responding.