I haven't read your whole post. I did read the bottom line.
I have been married to Maca for almost 15 years.
I had a long term affair with my best friend (now 20 years).
He has lived with us (and our kids) for the last 10 years.
Sept 2009? after some strenuous conversations and drama-Maca and I agreed to poly.
The first 2.3 years to follow, were HELL.
The last one has been awesome.
"Love As Thou Wilt"