Originally Posted by Magdlyn
Loving Radiance, I believe, has not had a lover other than Maca and GG for at least a decade if not 2. I think it is much more common to NOT introduce a lover until the relationship is well established and seems secure.
Basically true. I have had one female lover short term in that time and the kids did know her-as Maca's girlfriend, because she was.
As a rule of thumb-we meet people, if they become a friend, they can meet the family, if that goes well (we all have different time lines) they may become a lover.
I can't imagine trying to keep that a secret. GG certainly can't be a secret, we all live together.
I don't believe in lying to kids and I don't keep things a secret-so they all know (and have for the 4 years we've been poly) that we are poly and it's ok if they see mommy, daddy or GG kissing/hugging/loving someone other than mommy/daddy/GG.
But-everyone has their own style. We're also open with the other kids in our lives, who range from newborn to mid 20s. It's just not reasonable to expect someone we are in love with, committed to and building a life with-to be stuck in the closet.
Originally Posted by Dagferi
Oh trust me even younger kids get it..
I work from home so I am home with my boys 10 and 6 a lot. I am a strong believer in not losing yourself to parenthood. Yes I am mom but that doesn't define me. Adults need to have an adult social life outside the kids.
I am also a strong believer in no romantic interest meets my children until we have an established relationship. For example Murf did not meet my kids until we had been together 6 months. They were slowly worked into our time together. Now if Butch is working then they go with me to spend weekends and overnights with Murf.
Exactly this! Our youngest just turned 6. She has never had a time she didn't know she could find mommy in EITHER daddy's bedroom or GG's depending on the time of day. She knows we kiss and hug and love each other and we're a family.
She also knew daddy's "girlfriend" and even though she didn't live with us, she knew daddy spent time with her because he loved her and that sometimes she could go and sometimes it was "grownup only" time.
Shrug-it's just not a big deal to kids.