Afraid I'm sabotoging my relationship
I'm in my first poly relationship and while I am excited about the possibilities and having an open relationship with my partner, I can't help but to be afraid and feel threatned by his other developing relationships.
This all started with a lack of honesty and a lie he told last month, I have forgiven him and he apologized sincerely. Only thing is now I'm always wondering if he's telling me the truth about things.
We spent a great Sunday out together and when we got back to his place I started cooking dinner and when I went to offer him something to eat, I noticed he was texting a certain person. Because the person was the same person he had told the lie about last month, I got upset. Now had it been anyone else I would not have cared. This ended up with me getting super worked up and upset and crying and totally ruined our evening. I asked him if he wanted to break up with me, and how he felt etc....Add the fact that we had been having cocktails throughout the day, so I was a little tipsy. I know that made a huge difference as well.
What can I do when these little triggers come up to help me not freak out? I don't want to ruin our relationship by projecting fears of abandonment and having little meltdowns all the time. I'm so scrared of screwing up our relationship that I AM screwing it up!
I don't know what to do. I'm going to see him tomorrow, and I want to be able to talk this out and explain my fears again in a more understandable way but I feel so embarrassed, scared, and stupid I don't know how to even begin. If I don't stop this freaking out, he will indeed break up with me. He says he is happy but he feels like I am the one being tortured. I don't want him to think that because I'm not, but at the same time, I'm obviously having trouble with something or I wouldn't be freaking out.
I'm so scared.